[Male!Reader] Gay or European? [Hetalia]

Warning, this is a Hetalia Parody...with yourself. Especially since most Europeans are discussing your Sexuality here. Also: Wow man, attractive. And yeah.
Europe doesn't know what it's doing anymore. Enjoy.

They had it discussed so many times before. With a frown Hungary looked at you while you talked to Italy, after a few moments she turned to Austria, "I know we discussed this a lot but..." she pointed at you, "There! Right There! Look at that tan, that tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh Please he's gay, totally gay." the Austrian blinked before sighing and frowning, "I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay." he whispered back before he noticed that everybody else in the Room noticed their discussion, while you didn't. You were too busy eating something with your Music on, you didn't even care to look around.

"...That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?" everybody whispered at the same time, blinking at that odd coincidence. "...Dudes we should stop discussing that. After all he is totally not gay." Alfred stated before Arthur took the word, "But look at his coiffed and crispy locks." -"Look at his silk translucent socks." the hungarian Woman pointed to your Feet. "There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing." Roderich began, "...What are we seeing?" was now the question from Elizaveta, "Is he gay?" -"Of course he's gay!" "...Or European?" this stopped everyone in confusion, especially the other European Countries before they overthought it, some of their traditions were really a little...'irritating'.
"...Ooooh..." Everybody said in unison, blinking.

"Gay or European?  It's hard to guarantee. Is he Gay or European?" the question stood in the Room and everyone stared at Francis who should know it the best, "Well, hey don't look at me." the blond stated lightly annoyed. This time Taiwan turned to Japan, "You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.  They play peculiar sports." she whispered to him, of course loud enough so they could hear her. "In shiny shirts and tiny shorts. Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They will say things like "ciao bella" while they kiss you on both cheeks." All the Asians and Americans (and Africans) said in unison. "Oh Please." Hungary sighed frustrated. "Gay or European? So many shades of gray." was the next statement that fell, nobody even remembered who said it. "Depending on the time of day, the French go either way?" francis repeated Arthur who had been starting to bug him and call him wanker and what not. "Is he gay or European or--" it started until Switzerland fell in.

"There! Right There! Look at that condescending smirk. Seen it on every guy at work. That is a metro hetero jerk. That guy's not gay, I say no way." he shouted in annoyance before everyone started again, shoutings made it through the room, "That is the elephant in the room. Well is it relevant to presume, that a hottie in that costume..." "... Is automatically-radically..." -"...Ironically chronically..." -"...Certainly pertin'tly..." -"...Genetically medically..." now it hit everyone, of course [Male!Name] was gay! "GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY! OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY--" they looked out at the floor only to see you coming in with a pretty blond female they didn't knew. "DAMMIT." everyone shouted causing you to blink at them, "Gay or European?" the question made it in whispers to everyone.

It was Austrias turn to speak again, "So stylish and relaxed..." -"Is he gay or European?" -"Please let me finish my Sentence!" he stated before he continued, "I think his chest is waxed--" he said but was cut off by Taiwan, "But they bring their boys up different there. It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse..." and now everyone agreed and brought exampled, "If he wears a kilt or bears a purse." -"Gay or just exotic?" -"I still can't crack the code." and finally it was a certains Belarussian's turn to talk, "Yet his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed." this made everyone stop in their tracks -yet again- "...Huh?"

"Gay or European? So many shades of gray." someone said again, "But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday." someone else shouted which caused everyone to blink before they continued, "Is he gay or European? Gay or european? Gay or Euro-" now Germany had a Idea, "Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try." he said before Austria nodded, "The floor is yours." the brown haired man said before Germany made his way to you. "So Mr. [Last Name]... This alleged affair with Ms. Ukraine has been going on for...?" you blinked before smiling innocently, "2 Years." the German nodded before he continued, "And your first name again is...?" you continued to smile and calmly answered, "[Male!Name]" and now Ludwig used his trump card, "And your boyfriend's name is...?" "-Antonio." this caused everyone to gasp in shock.

You blinked before your expression turned into terror, "I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Antonio is my best friend." now a certain Spaniard showed in the Door, "You Bastard!" everyones expression turned to terror, except yourself since you still explained without noticing him. The spaniard took you by the Shoulders -which was hard since you were way taller than him- "You lying Bastard!" he shouted and now your expression changed into pure fear, an enraged Antonio was never good. "I no cover for you, no more! Peoples. I have a big announcement!" the Spaniard shouted before smiling devilishly, "This man is Gay and European! you've got to stop your being
a completely closet case. No matter what he say. I swear he never ever ever swing the other way. You are so gay. You big parfait! You flaming boy band cabaret!" he shouted, in the beginning he had understood you, but now it just annoyed him!

"I'm straight!" -"You were not yesterday." he stated, a certain south Italian snickered, he loved to see you suffer. "So if I may, I'm proud to say, he's gay!" Antonio shouted. "And European!" everyone shouted, you sighed in defeat, "Fine! Okay! I'm gay!" you shouted causing everyone to shout "Hooray" since they finally knew it. You frowned, "...Don't you guys realize that half of you literally bashed themselfs because you said Europeans are acting Gay and all?"